The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Id cry too if I played golf like you. You can talk about strategy all you want, but what really matters is resiliency. Hale Irwin, 50. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. Always keep learning. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. It is free and the FUNNIEST Newsletter you will ever receive! See you in the Email! At the golf corpse! -- Lee Trevino "Golf is not a game, it's bondage. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf clubs. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? Its not just enough to swing at the ball. The most important shot in golf is the next one. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! Wodehouse 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! 2. Again the announcement: Would the man on the womens tee kindly back up the mens tee!, Mike had had enough and shouted: Would the horses ass in the clubhouse with the loud speaker kindly shut up and let me play my damn second shot!. Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. Whos there? Your email address will not be published. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. Ben Hogan, Give me golf clubs, fresh air, and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. What do you call a blonde at the driving range? Although the same can be said of the rest of the items on this list, just reading the quote doesn't really do justice to its comedic value. He said. If you like football - I would rather think that you are active, optimistic and strict a bit. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Dirty Golf Sayings Jokes - Sports Jokes - Jokes4us.com You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. I hope you like it rough because I don't replace my divots. Your email address will not be published. Siegfried Sassoon, Golf is the infallible test. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. If you drink, dont drive. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. Andy to ave a water golf ball retriever for the round with you! Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. Because you got me soaking wet. Ben Hogan, Golf has some drawbacks. A golfer has to train his swing on the practice tee, then trust it on the course. Dr. Bob Rotella, 49. I have always had a drive that pushed me to try for perfection, and golf is a game that perfection stays just out of reach. Betsy Rawls, 12. How the heck did that happen? Why a carrot as a logo? Daphne du Maurier, With many twists and holes life is much like a golf game; without bats, you cannot Play. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. One fine day, John and Don are out golfing when John slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. You look like someone who likes to swing. 8. So, what are your thoughts? Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. 2023 Lynn on the Links, LLC All Rights Reserved. P-U-T-T is correct, the instructor replied. 5. Its just really hard to play. How Long Does It Take to Play 18 Holes of Golf? A fan in the crowd said Mr. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. He's the one getting his balls cleaned. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. The Dalai Lama himself. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. One of the most fascinating things about golf is how it reflects the cycle of life. The means are as important as the ends. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Boo. Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. So, I'm on the first tee with him. Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Because he thought every day he needed to play around. Clubbing. Happy Gilmore. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. In case he got a hole in one! Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. - Bobby Jones Because he walked into the wrong club! Your fifth putt. What is the similarity between four-putting and masturbation? Of all the hazards, fear is the worst. Sam Snead, 27. A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. Of course, says the old man, when I was your age, that tree was only three feet tall.. Not just in the game, but that can be applied to life, relationships and ones mindset. "I'm in my bed you're in your bed ". Twelfth son of the Lama. If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . the flag cant jump. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Or under. It keeps you young. Patty Berg, 29. Any birdie will do. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. putt." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. In the Golf of Mexico! Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. He attacks it. Make your partner smile with these adult golf jokes. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! If you break 80, watch your business. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. A threesome were getting ready to tee off on the 10thwhen they notice a single player, running up the fairway, taking a shot almost immediately to then run up to the green for a 3 putt to put it in. 75 Hilarious Golf Puns and One-Liners That Don't Suck What's the difference between a golfball and a Nissan? Golf: A five mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. His playing partner: Wow that was one of the most beautiful things that I have ever witnessed., Man: Well, I was married to her for 30 years.. Dirt your body. Success depends almost entirely on how effectively you learn to manage the games two ultimate adversaries: the course and yourself. Jack Nicklaus, 45. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. It can be difficult. Whos there? How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Because all the other four letter words were taken. Bruce Lansky, Author. 23+ Revolutionary Sayings From Corrie Ten Boom | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 52+ Knowledgeable Sayings On Cosmetologist | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 43+ Motivating Sayings On Hungry | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, TOP 50 Inspirational Golf Quotes & Sayings | Download Images, 58+ Funny Tennis Quotes | Free Images & Pictures Download, TOP 50 Funny Sports Quotes | HD Images & Pictures Download. Chip Shot. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Very interesting. Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Whats the difference between the g-spot and a golf ball? Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. Why dont skeletons play golf? Besides that, I love to explore. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? It took one afternoon on the golf course. "If you break 100, watch your golf. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. Nay! The right place is right here with me, in my bed. I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. The lowest score wins. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. And it's damn funny. They have a hard drive. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf Wodehouse, 31. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. Mini Golf Captions. After a particularly poor round, a golfer spotted a lake as he walked despondently up the 18th. Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. Nothing. If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. The battle that raged inside each players head. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? Because her coach was a pumpkin. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. It took one afternoon on the golf course. Hank Aaron, owner of 755 home runs and one amazing golf quote. Golf is more complicated than that. 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. Dec 10, 2020 - Explore Shelby Clark's board "Dirty Golf" on Pinterest. Rory McIlroy has a GOOD driver! Fore-get Me Nots. Grip the club as if you were holding a baby bird. Sam Snead, 58. All through the night they made wild love together. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Two, be your own person. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. 8. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. 50 Greatest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report Golfing is a lot like masturbation. Sawdust City LLC. Golfs three ugliest words: Still your shot. Dave Marr, 36. Your email address will not be published. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. "Golf is my profession. When you hit the cup but dont sink the shot, its called Prom Night. I . Why are golf and sex so similar? Achieve more with each and every round you play. Dirty Golf Sayings. Check it out now! Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! Bruce Lansky. Are you a water hazard? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Tahiti hole in one, you need to hit the golf ball straight. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? 10 Funniest Golf Quotes of All Time - Bleacher Report Short Golf Sayings And Quotes For Good Luck Shots, Funny Golf Quotes For Ladies And Gentlemen, TOP 30 Best Sayings On Theory | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Sayings On Sweet Love | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Notable Quotes About Subtle | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, TOP 30 Meaningful Quotes About Volunteerism | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Top Quotes About Snuggle | Free Hd Background Pictures Download, 27+ Revolutionary Sayings On Hysterical | Free Hd Background Images Download, TOP 30 Favorite Sayings About Hypocrites | Free Hd Background Images Download, 92+ Meaningful Sayings About Hypocrisy | Free Hd Wallpaper Images Download, 21+ Creative Sayings About Hypnosis | Free Hd Wallpaper Pictures Download, 12+ Beautiful Sayings On Hype | Free Hd Background Pictures Download. P.G. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? Your email address will not be published. My caddy says I should use a hard 7. clubs. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. Required fields are marked *. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. What is a golfers favorite bird? I have been able to hope for the best, expect the worst, and take what comes along. He was puttering around. 3. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! Dirty Golf Jokes - Dirty Golfing Jokes - Jokes4us.com Knock, knock Paul Harvey, While playing golf today I hit two good balls. Are you into kinky stuff? It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. Here, have a carrot! Do you know why the game is called golf? You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. Where is the best place to go on vacation? Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. The flowing robes, the grace, bald striking. Im the best. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? To find a man's true character, play golf with him. You swing left and the ball goes right. Just ask my ex -wives. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Dont break your heart, but flirt with the possibility. Louise Suggs, 8. I'm still working on my approach, but I think I have a pretty good swing. Do you know what the Lama says? Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? PG Wodehouse. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. The rest is being comfortable with the different situations on the course. Mickey Wright, 57. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. Bye Bye Birdie. Theres no sense in going to a tournament if you dont believe that you can win it. Tiger Woods, 20. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. Ive played the game for 50 years and I still havent the slightest idea of how to play. Gary Player, 39. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? Lift your head and spread your legs. About 160 yards was his reply. 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. On the Green In Two. "I'm the best. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? 13 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes Because they might get a slice. 1. No, but I'm willing to screw in them. Noah who? 3. Golf got its name because all of the other four-letter words were taken. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. Please add a link to this site. 100 Great Golf Quotes All Keen Golfers Need To Read | Kidadl Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. 2. Fantastic 4-some. 3. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". If we weren't, we'd take up a less infuriating hobby, like knitting. 350 Best Golf Quotes ideas | golf quotes, golf, golf humor - Pinterest Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? Colleen Ferrary Bader, Behold, my child, this touching scene, the golfer on the golfing-green / Pray mark his legs uncanny swing / The golf-walk is a gruesome thing! I give him the driver. When a golfer lies, he doesnt have to bring any proof home. 45 Dirty Jokes To Make You Laugh - PsyCat Games Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? -Lee Trevino I play Bass. P.G. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? Comment * document.getElementById("comment").setAttribute( "id", "a468f26f096b5aaed8fdef8efc580f6f" );document.getElementById("h2249d7876").setAttribute( "id", "comment" ); Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. "I was married to her for 35 years." 2. Top Ten Golf Phrases That Sound Dirty But Aren't You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. 80+ Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings - CoolNSmart now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); The technical storage or access is necessary for the legitimate purpose of storing preferences that are not requested by the subscriber or user. So that you can share them back, with the whole world. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Correct one fault at a time. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. 3 / 10. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Whos there? Golf is a lot like life. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". 3. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. There is no such thing as a natural touch. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? A hole in one of a kind model. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. Look at the size of his putter. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Roarin' Mcllroy You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. Henry Beard, Golf is the hardest game in the world to play, and the easiest to cheat at. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. Theres enough stress in the rest of your life not to let bad shots ruin a game youre supposed to enjoy. Amy Alcott, 15. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. Don Carter Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an even smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. A dinner without wine. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. "If a lot of people gripped a knife and fork the way they do a golf club, they'd starve to death.". You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will Use these pick up lines to your advantage in starting a chat with your guy or girl. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. After 18 holes I can barely walk. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable.
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