female Hes scum because he abandoned a woman he impregnated.. I just think its extremely scumbag-ish to want nothing to do with your child, no matter how it was conceived. Not to say that a single mother cannot give a child the support she needs alone, but as the father if you wash your hands of being in the childs life, you do not KNOW or even have a reasonable expectation (especially if shes a one night stand youve only known for 2 minutes) that the mother will be a sufficient parent. I dont think hes scum based on this either. Its not some windfall for women. Reframed to show the immaturity of the argument: And most important of all, whats all this talk of ASKING CUSTOMERS to order fries with that? He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby.. He told me he will obviously be paying for it but wants nothing to do with her OR the baby. Regardless of the law which I think is enforced far more often than not it seems wrong to me to argue that men have no control over whether a child is born but are legally bound to pay child support, whereas women can end the pregnancy or put the child up for adoption. My sister has 3 birth control babies. I wish there was some way he could have prevented himself from ejaculating into a woman if only there was some way he could have arranged that some way for him to have control over his reproductive material or the choice of woman or the choice to ejaculate at all if only the poor man no choice in the matter AT ALL Documents were drawn up by said lawyers. Its not the mans moral fault that he didnt think he would be roped into parenthood by a singular sexual encounter when he was told she was on the Pill. In my opinion, a deadbeat leaves his child, abandons the mother, and offers no financial support. I dont know. Im not so sure why he isnt allowed to be angry at her decision to keep the baby. However, its your choice whether or not to get back together with him. Exactly, so if knowing this you still choose to proceed with anything that could result in a pregnancy you have no one to blame but yourself if you become a parent. bittergaymark I dont think a relationship with the other woman will work but at the same time Id run from a man who wants nothing to do with their own child. Seriously, that is your interpretation of the male thought process? Thats the risk that you take. For all you know she could be 35 and realize that this may be her one chance to have a baby. Is he supposed to just bend over and let her decide how his life is going to go, until the day he dies, just because they had sex once? But I just watched this documentary on ecstasy users whose brains were literally rotting away (Ah!!! Find someone without baggage. You deserve better. Now, I suppose, you could argue that my gay friends are more careful because death is probably a bigger inconvenience that a child you dont want and most likely wont really give a flying fuck about anyway But no, seriously Apparently many straight people are just too dumb to use a condom correctly. And the legal system that obligates him was in place when he put himself in this position. Im an okder Dude but thats what we used to do. I attempt to avoid name calling, but if you have a problem with one person ASKING another person to do or not do ANYTHING, you are a poor excuse for an adult! I think it is unfair that the man cant have sex without the possibility of becoming a parent, but the woman can. Terminating his Parental Rights just means he has no say in childs education, no visitaton, etc. Chuck(le) But simply disagreeing with others does NOT fit the definition of a troll, not by a long shot. Two. lets_be_honest April 10, 2012, 9:41 am. So people got together, decided coke is in the best position to pay if its bottles explode and there you are. Because of my family not being to fond of him we broke it off and i was depressed for along time. He wasnt in a relationship with the LW at that time, and had no expectation that they would get back together. According to DeCrow, he shouldnt even have to pay child support, because thats fundamentally unfair. Understand that he will not leave her for you. After dating him for about 3 months, she got pregnant with his baby. This isnt about a child who has been born and who has needs. So he had no obligation to her whatsoever. (i.e. SpaceySteph I would love, just ONCE on this site, for one of the male commenters to address shitty man behavior. And without condoms?! Not everyone believes that. Ive been silent on this website a while, and by and large tend to agree with most of what is said, but I could not sit quiet as people suggested to a) force this man into parenthood, and b) suggest that this woman is incapable of being a single mother. Is this a schtick or do you genuinely dislike women? Steve Kellmeyer April 9, 2012, 12:31 pm. Your boyfriend is a scumbag and you should probably not have anything to do with him. If a woman is raped and aborts a child, there is nothing to support. It doesnt matter whether he wants to be with this woman or not, your boyfriend made half of this baby and has an obligation to be a father figure to it. So just ignore them, thats what I do. Men should not rely on women for their own birth control unless the two people in question are in a committed relationship. Think of the children. You mean, he should be able to decide whether or not hes emotionally distant and vacant from the life he had equal part in creating? Ever. Its not really his right to decide whether or not she keeps the baby. Regardless of whether or not he wants to stay with this women he impregnanted, do NOT stay with him yourself! MOA, ASAP. Males who have been RAPED still have to pay child support. Is it fair that in cases where neither the man nor the woman wants to continue a pregnancy, only the woman has to undergo a medical proceedure (or even when they want to carry to term for that matter)? I cant imagine what my friend would have had to deal with if that was his child and he had to have dealt with her for 18 years. Susie and Jimmy find themselves in the same predicament only Jimmy is thrilled because hes enlisting and being deployed overseas. I ended up feeling sorry him, and I started talking to him again, but2 weeks laterhe said the pregnant girl was threatening to hurt herself and he was going to be with her and that he cared too much about her and his unborn child to not try to work it out. Great, yet another fine example of the sheer brilliance and intellect of more and more heterosexuals in this case, the male whom increasingly seem to have all the knowledge and intellect as to where babies come from as, say, your average comatose five year old. So of course the events are filtered through that lens. While I realize that this is a stressful situation, your letter indicates that you will always harbor resentment for this child and this woman who will be in you and your boyfriends lives FOREVER. Just feeding on each other and leaving a trail of human wreckage in their wake. Either_Coconut 3 mo. A Happy Life So, again, why are you crying and being depressed over him? April 10, 2012, 5:16 pm. I have tried to encourage him to stay with this woman soley because of this pregnancy, but he wants me and wants to marry me as he said all along, and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. Theyre young but are certain that theyll be together forever. You have a guy who knew someone for like two seconds and jumped into bed with them. I just dont see why thats ok but its not ok for the guy to essentially do the same thing but then have to pay. lets_be_honest That is really fucked up. I know Im stretching here, but I believe that, in the case of consensual sex leading to pregnancy, both parties would be able to decide if they want to keep the child, and if the man doesnt and the woman does, she should bear full responsibility for child care, because it is a decision she has made. whose pregnancy and right to bear the child are apparently sacrosanct.-yep, true story female Im surprised that you guys dont recognize Chuck. Until thats legally extended as you propose any man who doesnt exercise that option has no one to blame but himself when he becomes a parent. Your argument that consenting adults should never have sex unless theyre prepared to become parents neglects the fact that not only do we have the means to significantly reduce the risk of pregnancy, we have extremely safe ways of terminating pregnancies, especially very early on. But shes having his baby and whether he likes her, loves her, or hates her, that baby is his child. My above reenactment was not a true depiction of the dialogue I believe took place. She isnt a woman he wants to be with his entire life. She looked enough to bang, though, huh? I am not entirely sure how this applies when the kids are not the product of both people, but when it is mom, dad, junior and junette junior and junette do not always come first, always. No. If the guy just walked away and contributed nothing, then that would be exactly akin to most adoptions, which, essentially, just mean letting someone else take care of your child. He found someone relatively fast and quick, and jumped in the bed with her. How very astute of you to notice the fundamental difference between the genders. April 9, 2012, 12:29 pm. Now, I highly doubt the LWs boyfriends baby mother to be is psychotic as my friends former hook up. April 10, 2012, 9:40 pm. am . female Youre wondering if he will marry her. This doesnt arise from the rights of the mother. His utter failure to own up to his actions is appalling. They are babies. Meaning, a woman SHOULD ask the guy who knocked her up what he would like. Men and women have control over conception on the front end of the decision- and a woman is stuck with the pregnancy. You can leave this dude, try to learn to live life on your own, try to show compassion toward your fellow women, and try to learn to identify unhealthy relationships straight away, before you find yourself embroiled in more soap-opera style theatrics. I had no idea most women hated it. My point was BOTH of them are responsible NOT just one of them. Youre taking something he is saying pre-child and assuming that it is the reality of what will happen post-birth. The pill doesnt stop ovulation in all women. Argh. Sigh. Or, hey, maybe they were both tested, maybe they were both clean, and maybe he believed her, and maybe she actually was on the pill. But you have to take a deep breath and be an adult about it, seriously. God knows the mother of this child will have no choice but to do that. when i was single i acted as if the other people i was involved with werent thinking about it. Its easier just to blame her and act like hes an innocent victim, but hes not. Nothing more, nothing less. And more amazement with people who just cant live without a relationship with someone who has no concern about coitus with people outside of matrimony with people they just met.. Apparently the LW couldnt trap him either since they broke up. If she does your boyfriend will deal with the aftermath of having sex without a condom. Exactly. I mean for fuck sake? So true. Hed be out the door on you as well. I was just 6 months into a relationship when I got pregnant. lets_be_honest Guys definitely think about their ex sexually. He apologized for not telling me sooner. The obligation would fall solely on the mother. No law can change the fact that whatever choice a man or woman in this position makes, the woman has the burden of actually carrying out the birth or abortion. evanscr05 April 9, 2012, 2:07 pm. Oh, good lord. But it happened. Women can decide to abort the pregnancy or to give the child up for adoption, both of which are choices that remove any future obligation. The point is, theres a baby on the way who needs a daddy. April 9, 2012, 9:58 am. Why does his/her future emotional health count on the presence of a father who wants nothing to do with parenting? Where the issue comes in is who physically is around the child more, which is placement, which though there has been progress tends to err on the side of the mother still, with all other things being equal. Its like people that think women become foster parents for the money. April 10, 2012, 6:26 pm. So, stop with the 19th century stuff about doing the right thing. Women have complete reproductive autonomy. Putting that opinion into action with either government or private coercion is that to which we have no right. Dr. Sherry, My fianc cheated, we broke up but then got back together. original. I must respectfully disagree with you. Besides the fact that child support is rarely enough to actually support yourself and your child. Now I'm happily married and live in Orlando. Im NOT saying she should abort, just that shes an idiot & she shouldnt expect a one-night stander to suddenly be a father. They dont want to have spirited logical debate, they want to vent and lash out at people. He cant force her to get an abortion, and she cant force him to be in the kids life. April 10, 2012, 4:22 pm. Addie Pray Thats all well and good except it didnt happen and now theyre in this situation. How about if I choose to opt out of THAT? Im sorry, but sex creates children. are you creating multiple accounts to like your own comments? There was a reason for that. You know, I dont have much patience this morning, so I (somewhat) apologize if my reply reeks of snark.. he gets another girl pregnant while you are on a break, your fault. There is an obvious reason why we are all pretty damn sure he didnt use a condom For starters, itd have been the big leading point of the letter He so doesnt know how this happened! You are able to get through any obstacles on your path. wendy, i love you for leaving the crazies to us! 1. Nope, none of it matters. *ETA: also, most of my comments on here are usually light-heardely dumbed down just to lighten the mood a little. The idea that he actually said I would prefer if you had an abortion is laughable. Here are the 5 signs that he/she is in one: They started the relationship before they ended it (or as they were ending it) with you.. At conception there is a zygote, then an embryo and then a fetus. By continuing to use this site, you agree to our updated Terms of Service and Privacy Policy. You dont have an obligation to be faithful to an ex-girlfriend or boyfriend! Chuck Pelto IF men want to engage in condomless sex and want a choice (which women DONt have btw, we dont TELL our bodies when we want our eggs fertilized and when we dont, I WISH we could that would be such an intelligent design feature!) What the fuck ever. As we established earlier, men dont really have the option to walk out on a fetus, because the fetus doesnt need anything from them yet (although certainly dads-to-be provide a lot of support to moms-to-be in most cases). And now that theres a pregnancy and the options arent his hes furious at the woman he impregnated because it isnt going the way he wants. I believe I saw the C-word used at least once. If it is his child, he owes the child at least something. Then the day we got back from this amazing vacation, he broke up with me through email! But being on the pill is not akin to saying I will choose to have an abortion should a pregnancy occur. April 9, 2012, 7:03 pm, Wait, whoops, no. You, Chuck, seem to think that this means that all women do that. April 9, 2012, 8:29 pm. bittergaymark A dude youre dating barebacked someone while you were on a break and then came back to you and said he couldnt live without you. Frankly, it astounds me more of you dont think its a shockingly cunt-ified thing to do. Its not that bad (though Ill take an IUDs 0.6%, thanks). Unwanted or not, they are innocent in this whole mess that your boyfriend and his whatever-she-is created. Youre fucking advocating that brilliantly fool-proof method?! Posted Over 1 Month. April 9, 2012, 5:52 pm, Sounds to me like your sister isnt so much unlucky, but a liar. 1 mth after we got together, he cheated and got a girl pregnant. I was thinking this letter was going to be juicy!! bittergaymark She asked what to do with this guy. For the woman to turn around after the fact and say, Whups, knocked up! She will be lucky to have 50% of the day care costs alone paid for*. P.S. It says there is no child at conception. A pregnancy, especially an unplanned one with no real relationship behind it is not a reason to stay together. April 10, 2012, 5:55 pm, Heterophobe, hmmm, thats new one. April 9, 2012, 1:28 pm. female That reasoning, btw, comes from Karen DeCrow, feminist attorney and former president of NOW. This whole letter is a giant Friends reference. But hes 40?! And they seem to have a lot of time on their hands. And throwing money at her only covers one part of that. SweetsAndBeats Do you have a law to fix that? Second, regardless of what sort of cretin this dude is, the baby mama is no better. Now if the issue remains private without government involvement, then no problem as long as she keeps to their agreement. What you would do in her situation is irrelevant. April 10, 2012, 12:00 am. And no it shouldnt be just the womans responsibility that the bf just met if she decides to not have an abortion or give the child up for adoption. Addie Pray Child support, such as it is, is frequently used as stealth spousal support. You seem to have completely missed the point that virtually anything we do involves risk, and that doing those things doesnt mean were prepared for any possible consequence at any time. I was a completely amicable situation and hes had no issue with this arrangement and its been many years. So he and the LW should break up for good. Yet you are mad at the other women and not him? While it would be ridiculous to only have sex if you intended to conceive a child, it should still be in the back of everyones mind that it *can* happen, and if so, the woman, whos burdened with the pregnancy, gets to make the final call. Does that suck for some individuals who didnt want it in the first place? Forcing him to stay with her isnt going to make anyone happy at all. Get your hands off my uterus! I think the LW here should wash her hands of this whole mess and stay away from the drama. Consider the consequences or dont. If you dont want a kid with a stranger then PULL OUT!!! and he is furious with this woman for keeping the baby after only knowing each other two minutes. haha I agree. Now this is really petty, but I'm planning to post a picture of me and my boyfriend for her to see. If he doesnt do this, and the woman gets pregnant anyways, he needs to show maturity and be responsible for his decisions.
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