As with a garden, when a relationship isnt tended to, it withers and dies. Six months since I left him for another man. My husband left me a few years ago after twelve years of marriage and me moving to another country to be with him. Well I am the adulterous turned bunny boiler. I am in shock. How to cope: If this is the reason for your divorce or breakup, you probably had a good go of it. 1. My now separated wife has called the police on me for suicide watch (ive never been suicidal) and also called childrens aid because I might be a physical danger to our son (the only hitting Ive ever done is on the hockey rink). In shock I could barely breath I was on the floor shaking and he did nothing. I am in therapy because of my anger towards her because of all the things she did to hurt our family. She told me she left me for four of the reasons you mentioned. I in turn joined a gym and got into shape and worked on the house I hate my life and want to knock her new mans teeth out. Well she was mixing high doses of Vicodin and Soma pills . Weve had a strained relationship for a while due to our busy work schedule but I never thought he would do this it doesnt make sense its all so final he wont go to relate because itll be the same answer he says!! This just happened 4weeks ago. Loads of people with mental health conditions are able to enjoy long lasting, fulfilling, happy relationships. Now im being threated/monitored by one of his family. Of course Im sad. I just gotta keep plugging along knowing deep down so much has gone wrong and continues and I just cant believe I brought children into this world with this person. Looking for some advise,please. Heather omg I read your article you wrote and this is so real I honestly wish I had that support from you Im 26 years old with 2 kids and my life has been hurtful and heartbreaking within my relationship I dont want to drag a long story out but I recently got married in Jan and my husband just left me with no explanation in 2 months of our marriage but I have some proof on my end. And will try to stay her friend. Its natural to feel that way. For THIRTY years, I pined horribly over this bull****. Damn well I was paying half of the bills if not more. When he left me, my mother was furious . I took this announcement very badly and as I had already opened up all that shit in my mind re the abuse, neglect, etc I had a breakdown and two days later I woke up to my 3-year old self holding onto an exacto blade knife in one hand and my penis in the other as I was attempting to cut that part off of me. WHY??? Look for ways you were critical or controlling. Part of me wants to just move on and forget that any of this ever happened. I just dont understand any of it and feel so hopeless. At this time he professed his love for me and wanted to work things out. She has not even called to see how our son is doing and its been 10 days. The day you never thought would come has become reality. Best wishes. I felt like I was wasting his time. Coping with the end of a relationship can be difficult on many levels. Or how about when you know theyre gay, but realize they arent leaving because you are paying the bills while they go to college, work, run the roads and do his thing. Cant sleep without the sleeping pills or wine. Thank you so much. If your husband tries to make you happy in any way, big or small (and in my experience, he will), do your best to receive the gesture and convey your pleasure at his efforts. If he doesnt get a rise out of me, he becomes enraged and starts drama then tries to blame it on me. Then it was time for us. The obvious answer is he is sleeping with the friend. They are in love apparently and plan on living together and getting married down the road. Still cant believe after a year and a half of unimaginable pain and recovery, I went back to help. I know its hard and you might want your husband or another person to be there for you, but thats just not going to happen right away. Is evn more so when you realize how little value people place on others life and livelihood. She told me she couldnt do it anymore, and that she no longer loved me as a partner/husband. So as I departed from the US and was not on ground for over 72 hours before we talked and she said she was not renewing the lease and in fact she was getting her own place and putting all my stuff in storage and she wanted to talk to who she wants..go out with who she wants to. Found out that my daughter saw mom stapling $100 bills into $1000 bricks. I stuck a fork in it, took a picture and called it therapy.! I also feel like such a wreck and cant see any woman ever wanting me as I dont like me. Unfortunately these pieces need to meet the reader where he or she is, so there will definitely be different perspectives based on the context of each individuals situation. I know he made some mistakes, but that doesnt mean that you have to live with them. My children (we have 2) would always mention and ask what does dad do up there?. It kinda helps. You may have no kids, but you have all the time in the world for yourself. You know in your heart this is totally unacceptable behavior. Every time you allow someone to get over on you or away with something that hurts you, this takes a piece of you away. He said he wanted his life back (by that he means his happy care free go out every weekend life. I wish I could meet one of these women in here going through all this pain and sweep them off their feet. Two months ago she said it was over with him. My wife wanting me to be happy is tormenting. Well one thing youve not mentioned is being with an alcoholic. I have lost my appetite I dont know what to do, pls any advice will be very helpful And thats not good because he wont want to be with anyone who cant keep her self-respect. I feel so antisocial and can barely muster the will to concentrate on a movie. After he left her for a younger woman, Mark Harrison was portrayed in his wife's newspaper column and recent novel as a selfish cad. Now he is living with his parents. You deserve better . You worry about getting your head right, and moving on. Thanks i also have a lot of trouble because i want him back and love him very much. Youre alright All 3 girls are Daddys girls. The whole time that she was awake she was on her Kindle playing Trivia and conversing with men. I could never disapline them. Hello, I have a question about coping with my wife leaving me for someone else. By Saturday morning I am calling nonstop everyone, her parents etc. Travelling back and forth abroad to see her. My cousins came with wine and food almost every weekend after the break-up. Im shutting down. Whats the message? Dear Tim She moved out fast and said I needed time to work on myself as well. She totally cut me off and is seeing other people. I let her go once before many years ago and it was truly the biggest mistake of our lives. His behavior is classic. I know how you feel. Shes not even close to the same sweet beautiful kind hearted soul I once knew. !my son and my daughter in law found me twist the rope around my neck and around the tree but it was broke, I lay lifeless and I know that is divine intervention with my Holy Father anyway my point is is that I would not be able to endure what my husband did to me, without Jesus I mean I begged him on my hands and knees and help me with the pain cuz I couldnt handle anymore and one day he took it from me I no longer have it like I did Im confused now but my husband so I dont know what to do if he were to come back into my life but I would do it because God wanted me to and marriage is sacred to God and I dont want to go against my father I promise you thats the only way youll endure the suffering , and be assured that with every one of my trials and tribulations I have found the blessing the blessings outweigh any thing that we have suffered and we also have to keep in mind look at Jobe what he went through look what Jesus went through for usits only through this Christ that you will find true peace. Well the doctor she was working with was giving her Vicodin, and soma, she also was getting zanax and other pills from doctor. He ask me to hire someone to put his things in storage. The last thing you want to do is spend it with a happily married couple or try to entertain your child while you meet your child-free friend for coffee and a chat. (more time is spent telling your child to sit down/stop that/behave). My partner of 11yrs has just done the exact same thing to me. My ex-husband used me for everything I had and then just left. You feel criticized. He is talking of selling the family home. Now my husband wants me back. The important thing here is that you find someone who can make you feel good again. To make it all worse, I had no idea. Protect your assets. When I first found out he said he would never leave me but now she has said she cant live undercover. My husband has decided he wants to seperate, because he needs to focus on his career. As woman we can try so hard and bend over backwards. Because you cant fix all of these things, try to understand why he left. From the most loving caring individual I have ever known to this cold hateful selfish person I could have ever imagined. Shes moved along with out a blink and I have to start all over again. Oh gosh Im sorry for your pain. Theres a reason to leave someone. Im sure you guys had a blast but it took you 2 weeks to completely erase and destroy the beautiful thing we had. No body cared because he said things that were not true, every time I tried to go to a hearing they would cancel it, finally after 4 months they dropped. We have two children whom are now adults, with the youngest being 18. A cheater will only admit to what they think you already know and usually they wont divulge all the details. Is he struggling with finances? Cant eat or sleep, I feel depressed. Of course, you work. Yes I was pissed beyond belief. He wanted to book a holiday for me and my daughter( not his child bit they have become so close she shes him and loves him like s dad) and stay in the house with us pretend everything was fine and tell my daughter before we went away that we were splitting up and he would be gone when we got back,!! A week goes by and I join her for another visit for 11 days. They dont even have to contain a mother or father, they could be aunts, uncles, your step-family or even friends. We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, I have been married for 6 1/2 years and now i want to leave my husband. Your partner met someone else. Hi CassieD! But the two most common triggers of severe dog depression are the loss of a companion animal or the loss of an owner. Recently we tried to get this back but he does not find me attractive although I am slim, fit and look young for my age. Good luck with Thanksgiving maybe they will be nicer to you this year since youre going through this nightmare. The relationship was most likely very comfortable and good in many ways, but trust that you will rekindle some of your romantic spark and realize that your marriage was unfulfilling. This I also discovered. It happened only once and was not discovered by anyone. I just have to take the bruise to the heart hearing it and suck it up, thats what its been left to. Js. Whit from Maine, Hi Im 35 my husband is 42. I understand. Im sorry for your pain right now. she just kept it in and kept it a secret.he was sending her money, and they were making plans for a long time her to leave and moved to England.now theyre engaged to be married and are making wedding plans.and also looking into a goth wedding, with a blood red dress and even have a guest invitation list.all this and she is still married to me.the divorce is pending, because of abandonment and being international,it could take years to finalize.I am at a loss for answers, I have no closer.I guess I will never get closer.this is clearly the worst thing that is ever happened to me. Good luck to you all..Ive learnt in the last month..love yourself, think positive and ask for help when you need. (Her x comitted suicide when I met her). I am glad she is back on her meds finally I guess I am just hurting knowing she feels fine while Im a mess. Not just on the weekends. I feel blessed every day just to have what I have, even in this situation at least I have two beautiful kids. Then there is the one thats left out. Wow. If you would like to consult with a mental health professional, you can start finding therapists in your area by entering your city or ZIP code into the search field on this page: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html. After learning about their relationship I still want to be with her. Let them go find their happiness now, it sounds like its time or rather soon. Take care Don. They may view the depression as an anchor that will take you both down. It was a change. I should wasnt revenge for my pain, but I dont. He lied to me or left out the fact that a job that he has worked at for 24 years and that he promised he would transfer with, was unable to transfer him. And at the time he would be like. There are always ways and things to try other than giving up. I finally waited by the locker and he finally came to the locker 4 hours. "My wife left me alone for nearly two years while I was away for work and . When she declared she was leaving to focus on her own happiness I was both frightened and relieved. How are you feeling today? I then made the mistake of writing down what had happened to me when I was a child (I had, over the years, told my wife all of this this was my first time ever writing it down) and from completely out of the blue my wifes response was to say that she knows Im in pain over all of this but that she no longer loves me, and that she wants a divorce, and that she does not see us ever getting back together. he still love his ex wife and tell to my face that his only pretending to love me all this years. I know that there are a lot of women that would be very hopeful in finding a guy like me.I cannot go through life alone.I have to have a partner to share life and love with.I dont know where to start to meet that special person.My heart is totally shattered,and Im still in shock.I prey that i will wake up some day and not care anymore.Sorry that i am so blind to whats going on.I guess i still believe that we can get back together.I know I am totally stupid to think that,But for now I cant help the way that I feel. You just have to get there. Please never allow anyone to take that from you. We both work but I always brought home more income. It was truly a mistake. its been a rough go since 2013. I will follow this for now. After my heart attack I found out she was talking to an ex boyfriend, having an emotional affair. I heard the words, She has characteristics of Down syndrome. But then, I saw my daughter with her big marble colored eyes and blonde hair. He has been gone for about six months now. Not sure how to recover from this. Either that or he will be here to stay. Only God can fix this mess. Please open up and share so others can help you. Ive loved my partner for 27 years and still do. Very true unfortunately people have no gratitude and are not satisfied with what they have only look at what they dont, Grass always greener on the other side and want what others have got even if that destroys there own lives or someone elses. He wont explain this behavior and blames me, acts like he hates me and just has to get our because he cant stand me all of a sudden . Thats quite a story. Had a six month affair with my real estate agent next door. I dont have anyone to talk to. We have always had a strong relationship, but I lost my job and she was just about to start college, I got another job with the government and was doing that while she was in school, yes because of this situation we did get behind finiancally . She was slurring her speech and dragging her shoulder on the wallls in front of our kids from the beginning of all of this. Dont fall for it ! I found this searching for some advice. I have been in counseling, a divorce support group and working everyday to believe that I am of value. But I love her. His perspective is that he tried to be emotionally connected over and over only to be disappointed by my lack of response to his reaching out. I come from a family of strong people. Any opinions? He wants us to sell our home and buy two places. I feel horrible for all of us. I am sincerely sorry to have read and felt your confusing, pain and patience in your situation. You will find hope in small things and within yourself. to do the same. They will never know how grateful I am. i had love in college. Thanks Jersey girl. I need me time. i do not think I could ever do this to another human being and especially one I am suppose to care about but then again I am not self-centered like she is! Take a step back look in the mirror .If you have everything but see nothing where does the problem lie. If you noticed, we mentioned reading self-help books. But I always get the brunt of their problems I am the one that is mean and I was always the one to buy them all their desires. I still love her with all my heart but she continues to treat me worse and worse. How about that? What city and state are you in? Even though I dont know you, I want you to know that I am praying for you. finally her mom gets ahold of her and she calls me and says I can pick up the girls now. I worker steady nights for 27 years. She nonchalantly says I am going to stay with my step Btw she is the only family i have here and i cant get past the fact that she doesnt love me anymore Now mid 20s. Seringes in trash can seringe wrappers in garage or in her car. in the last few weeks i have asked him one or twice if being with me is what he wants and he said of course and we have had some really lovely days together, the night before we split up we had not a blazing row as such but it was the way things were said that was the problem not what was actually said, he woke the next morning left for work and text me saying he thinks I should go back to my parents house, maybe the living together situation isnt working out and then began to say he thinks we shouldnt be together he doesnt know what he wants he loves me but hates the fact we keep arguing and dont seem to get along the way we use to. I just want to know what people think, and if anything would help. How to cope: This is a great opportunity and time to ask yourself what you want to do with your time and how you want to live. I didnt need someone to be whole. My husband went away on a trip with a friend and came back depressed and unhappy with his life. 3) Be patient with your husband and his remorse. I feel broken, rejected, and unloved. 2. You could argue that all long-term relationships lose their spark, but falling out of love usually is code for Im done here. While there are cases in which couples fall back in love, most often its hard to renew this emotional connection. My wife and I have been together as lovers for 13 years. I know we fought and that wasnt good for the kids but how can you just cut some one out of your life like shes done to me. By left me I mean that she asked me to leave. It must be hard especially having little ones. I am the one who needs help, not him. Protect yourself. When I came back to get rental I found hidden inside a mint bottle Vicodin and soma pills that were in two sets of boxes. Youre young. She has also began lying, eg i found out she was seeing a counsellor, she said they were actually friends, but I have seen she has been paying her fees on her bank statements. Sure, I knew things had not been great between us, but I never thought she would leave! We have more information about what to do in a crisis at https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html. So, I have been married to my husband for 14 1/2 years. Shes blocked me completely out her life and of my nephews on her brothers side. Catching up was fun, she was comfortable to talk to, to share life experiences with and before long we both felt the electricity we had known years ago was still there and strong as ever. We looked at the rings on Friday in my favorite shop went in tried on a ring I had seen months before , on the evening we had family and friends over.