I am into year #2 . My husband died 15 months ago as a result of a hiking accident. I am so fortunate that I have our wedding video. I grieve with you Lynn. . When I was 14/15 I met my bf we were friends good friends. God bless you all and I wish the very bestnformyou. Very first time I laid my eyes on my bf I was in love. 14 months ago we were enjoying lunch together at home as we had for years. He was only 53 when he passed. I find it heartbreaking to see their grief and I feel embarrassed about having a boyfriend who has brought some sun into my life. Im almost at 18 months after my wife of almost 24 years died.nothing has got better.i still have my three cats.thats it.I have no living relatives or children im almost 63 disabled and struggle daily just to survive now. My children where absolutely beside themselves. I cannot fathom spending the rest of my days balanced on this double edged sword! In other words, there was nothing they could do. "The life of the dead is placed in the heart of the living" - Cicero. But what works for any of us is up to us, ourselves. As far as these holidays coming up, i dont know how to get thru these,,,i feel time flying by as far as missing out, and yet its also dragging when it comes to healing. I was so grief stricken as we had done everything possible to make a good life for him, he was our SON SUN. I have just come across your letter and I am sorry for your lost as well. I left the house for about 15 minutes and came home and found him dead on the kitchen floor. I immediately looked away . My father had COPD/Hypertension/High Blood Pressure and went into cardiac arrest at the Orlando Airport in Florida while waiting outside to pick me up with my mother. Maybe because I was his caretaker, maybe because I was more close to him than my mother (a little). At 71 I am sure it will be a hard until I leave this world. Those, who simply tell you to move on have either not lost someone of such great meaning or perhaps, are incapable of such a relationship or are repressing their own losses. I just felt he was near. Plismy husband passed away at the beginning of this year from brain tumor after being together for almost one mnth now his gone and its the second mnthits just hurts and a headache and making me cry all nitei dnt know wat to do ..i need advice.. I hope you have survived you thoughts of taking you life. I was sitting there totally blank, I want to cry knowing he wont be able to come home with us but theres nothing, I was trying to processed what happened but I just dont get it. But now 18 mths on its too much to bear, I wake up crying from such real dreams. The grief is unbearable today as last week, last month, last year. Gratitude is everything. Some guidance and encouragement from a person who truly understands the all-encompassing nature of grief and how if affects every moment and every part of life could be just what you need to move forward. you learn to live with it, this is so true. I so feel everyones painandI am so sorry, Dear Holly Just read your email and do know how you feel I as with my Husband for 59years Married for 56 of them he passed away just over a year ago, We said we would be around till we were 90 as we were never ill really enjoyed good health, Then he wasnt well one night and went to Hospital and a junior Doctor used a wrong catheter and after that he was never the same and a year later he died. I was a young 54, when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (non smoker). I dont think we were lucky I thought that after two years it wouldnt be so hard. tractable in google analytics Why am I so weak when I should be strong knowing that we always have to lose someone. That was when I died- I ask of God the same- Why leave me? I really like your attitude to life despite your huge loss. My family is great but they are grieving also. For me, Everyday is a shocking reminder that my husband is not with me. The one thing I asked my counselor was why, why would I do that? But Istill had hope. Its becoming real and it sucks. I press on, hard with old friends and family who look sad when they us. I am now one year eight months and seventeen days from the last day I saw him laying in the hospital bed dying. Im coming up on 2 years in April. I was about fifteen when he went into the service he was three years my elder. Just keep pushing onward and live while you are still able to. Ive thrown myself into work & remodeling the house, just to try & function & portray that Im normal. I cry when no one is home. And had the door open when I came home at night. Still, I never felt more alone. I just had another cry and heart wrenching moment after 1 year and 10 months. Its been a year 18 months since I lost my son and it feels as though the pain has grown. I try to keep positive and remember that the love I have for him is stronger than anything in this world. We cannot expect them to put on a show. However, Ive lost my father, mother, cousin whom in my heart was my brother. What am I suppose to do now? We were about 17 years apart. Navigating that first year, through anniversaries, birthdays and holidays can feel endless. Even though sometimes we accept that this is life but life seems unfair at times. Missing you always.". I have never recovered and the se ond christmas this year is,worse than last year. i have faith it will get easier somehow.but in that each of our circumstances are different, i just felt the need to feel sori for myself a minute. Ive cried so much. First year, I got through, thinking 2nd year will be better looking at my 3rd holiday season without him come to find out later it was a accidental overdose of Benzodiazapine. We all will walk this path our own way, its the most difficult challenge of ones life. Happiness will come but the saddness is always there.. but you learn to smile again. It seem to get relief then it always comes back around. What happened to me ( Im 16 months in) was I have not had a nights sleep for weeks ,looking after my partner. When we finished, I went to my studio to work for a couple hours. Less than a week went bytraumatized despite all of this, but coping. Ive missed her terribly for two years. Despite aggressive treatment, she passed away after 9 months at 59. I believe this because of my faith. Reading these posts have made me realize I am not alone, but do not help ease the unending pain I feel. I was so blessed to have him. My heart is breaking. Its been almost two years since I found him. I still wear my wedding ring Im never going to take it off she is my love and only no datting for me there no one out there who will replace her. She was only 14 when her Dad died. One day at a time. what I had with Glenna. I want to stop feeling sadI am a practical person who understands all people die, the world keeps spinning. One day in a moment of clarity she told me how her mind was working, well kind of. Now this next bit my shock some of you but I felt relieved. God Bless you in this unwanted journey. I have been dating someone for six months now. Only after EMDR therapy was I able to move past its hold on me. Ive come to realize that it never will. We were married 47 years and he was my best friend. I still think about him every day and cry every night. Ive been going to a grief counselor and its helped a lot but this feels like something I havent experienced yet. This is a terrifying thought for the newly bereaved, to think that its not going to be a steady climb upwards in grieving and healing, and I dont share this to scare those who are in their very early days. I often feel isolated and on the edge of all thats real. I know how you feel because I to,lost my husband two and a half months ago,and wish someone would share something to keep me going without him. She forgot who I was on Christmas Day 2015. I know how you feel. I have a lot of support but. Always butterflies. Ann! Someone once said you never get over it Megan truly gets it. I sat today looking through the plethora of pictures of her and I'm just so happy I had what little time I did with her. She would know it was no tribute to her love that I cease to even love myself and the precious moments of life I still have. Small cel lung cancer she had half lung one 3/4 lung left married 33 yrs happy married. Please think about your children and their pain and reconsider your actions. The month I found out he passed I almost lost it. He let me sleep late as part of my anniversary gift, and so that day i never told him Good Morning, nor have a good day, nor Goodbye. But mostly not going to my mums everyday. The first year was numb. I feel totally broken, and none of my friends understand, they just get in with their lives in a way I can never do again. Only people whove dealt with a difficult loss can truly be empathetic and understanding. I came home to be with her after my brother died 2-1/2 years before. I lost my Mum on the 2nd of February last year. But it doesn't know you will always live in my memory. Its been twenty months and it breaks my heart. Thats when my life changed. Of course I can, it just hurts. It has been 18 months since my wife was told that she has brain cancer. I lost my mum 13 months ago. (My sister and my dad helped, too.) Yes Tania. Its tough, 2 years ago my wife had back surgery the third morning after surgery she complained of a hard time breathing early the next day the hospital called and she passed from a blood clot. He was 64. I owe him everything and I decided that Ill be living a life dedicated to love in memory of him. Its been nine months and not getting easier, why I was trying to see whats coming, when this pain will stop, its so exhausting. After the loss of a family pet, many people wonder how long they should wait before they get a new cat or dog. This is my first time reading all the posts. We use to play and sing together all the time. Today I got a call from the bank saying they forgot to transfer a small amount of his to our daughter, i broke down again. I believe the first year I was numb. I cry everyday on and off. And amid the lessening, there are still periods where you feel as though its the 2nd month all over again. He was the most funny outgoing person in my life and I miss everything about him. I will never be happy on his journey, I have to find my own. It was a 16 months battle that we knew she was going to lose. Honor wherever you are right in this moment and know that even if it feels uncomfortable, unsettling and uneasy, that its probably exactly where you need to be. the answer is your husband was not in the ambulance, its empty. Of a UTI infection. We always hold my hand whether , We were watching TV, Driving in the car or going for a walk. When I came out, I went looking for him. I made the decision to bottle all my emotions inside of me and sooner or later they had to come out which they did about a month ago. I cant function with this . He was so caring , so sweet man . I am do sorry, please know you are not alone! Amor Eterno Wanting to die in order to join the loved one. I was told by a nurse in hospice to sit with him and let him know Id be alright if he left. I have had it with the insensitivity of some friends one in particular This is my 2nd Christmas without my beloved husband of 30 yrs. I still fill the need to call her sometimes. I want to hear the sound of his voice, feel his arms around me, kiss me and tell me he loves me. Yes I pray I give it to my Lord because he is in charge of all of my life and I do trust in him I always have and I always will. So I dont open to her, she has a lot of anger, which doesnt help me at all. Time so far has not lessened the loss even though I am involved in many activities outside the home, he is always there. but it is quickly approaching. It NEVER stops hurting. It will be two years this month. I know how you feel! I didnt aadd anything vital to this topic but I came across it and just thought to vent a little. Very sorry for your loss and the passing of your husband, please accept my condolences. He appears whenever I need him and this brings comfort. Other days I just wonder why bother. My dog had her puppies on on Xmas day my husband was put to rest two days before Xmas. I also listened to grief counselors online. I suggest a book by Megan Devine called Its Ok That Youre Not Ok. Blessings to each of you on your journey. The reality is that Im still and will probably always grieve for him. He died on a heart attacked at 49. To have some exchange to feel better or to go forward. I have an idea. https://www.jw.org/finder?wtlocale=E&docid=102018088&srcid=share. Never would I have thought that things were going to happen the way they did. Year four has gone by and I cry so many times during the day that I feel like it will never end. The loss is so new, the first months can be spent in a blur of shock and disbelief. Something that helped me was meeting others and making new traditions. Kim was DOA at the hospital and I couldnt face seeing the non living face of another sister. Im trying to keep positive for my other son but inside In broken. I just cant think of even one good reason why I am here. Such strength. I missed Mike so much and felt guilty for his death as I had felt I should have been more responsive to Mikes medical condition. Tomorrow is another day. Im not that lucky have no living relatives .just my my cats..some months the other person i talk with is my doctors..and go weeks setting in the house watching tv or looking out the window. He had pancreatic cancer, and had 9 months to live after his diagnosis. These powerful first-person stories explore . My loss is just as great as it was the day he passed. Im half the person I was. I am learning from many of you on how to survive. The second is that the shock may be gone but then, for me, is a longing for the companionship of my husband.He was an exceptional person, as I sure all of your loved ones were! People say that time heals every pain. I am grateful. Isolated judged alone. I wish I were there to give you a hug. Im pretty much numb. I keep asking myself to get up and do something but I dont. My husband was only 51. The last time I rubbed his arm and told him mom and I are here. The cancer was already in his liver when they found it, so all that could be done is chemo to give him a little more time. To those who are grieving too, Im sorry for your loss. I hope you have found it and are working your way through all of this that we are all battling. I feel like you do after my husband was murdered a year ago and then my beloved dog died. I lost my husband on 17th December 2016. Take it from an old guy. I do not socialize, even at church. My dad passed away Mar2016. Now Im in second year and miss him more n more. Im sorry for your loss. Christmas, new year and my birthday went and she was still in coma. I decided that Wichita was not for me. So I hope and pray you find comfort and some measurable amount of peace. But more so I feel awful for my mom. Were in the club that no one wants to join.